Sabbatical : Where have I been?

Nov 2

Sabbatical : a period of time during which someone does not work at their regular job
and is able to rest, travel, do research, etc.

I have lost count of how many times I thought I was ready to make a come back to social media after my abrupt departure a few months ago. Just when I would feel ready, something new would derail me.

If 2020 was considered a challenging year, I am left speechless as to how to refer to 2021.

I feel like I hit the trifecta of grief this year.

I lost one of my most dearest, long time friends to suicide.
One that literally stood by my side through childbirth, marriage and subsequently a very volatile divorce.
The one that supported my dreams, gave me courage to pursue them and everything in between.
She was a sister to me. She left a void so deep, I do not believe I will ever find the bottom of it.

Then my middle son, made the choice to move in with his father 4.5 hours away (joining his older brother)
I mourned the end of an era. For over 14 years he was a constant in my daily life. I am happy for him to explore the world but my mama heart was not ready for him to leave this nest so soon.

All this stress sent my body into a frenzy. I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Disease 13 years ago, which led to hypothyroidism. With all the stress of this year, I experienced a thyroid storm. For the second time in my life my system flipped a switch and I went hyperthyroid. If you are not aware, your thyroid regulates all the hormones in your body and when those are off - well, life is off.

Added onto all this, as well, was my (late in life) ADHD diagnosis and this came with it’s own grieving process.
(This deserves a journal entry of it's own! Check back for that later!)
I started on ADHD stimulant medication (which has been LIFE CHANGING in all the best ways.) but what I thought were side effects to my these new meds was actually my thyroid acting up. We finally got that sorted and, at least, I started to feel physically better.

Alas, it doesn’t end here… but I will save the latest blip for the next journal entry.

2021 has been heavy.
I had to take a step back and give myself pause.
Space to fill my lungs and tend to my heart.